∼Zooisticism provides the answers to some of Life’s more difficult questions such as:
‘Do you have an inner squirrel trying to gnaw it’s way out of your soul?’
‘Is that a psychic owl perched on your shoulder?’
Zooistics is a series of 13 cards. The illustrations are lino prints by artist Viv Kersey. Each card features an animal with its own carefully researched and totally sciency ‘psychological’ profile. You and your friends will be amazed by the truthiness of it all.
On the back of the card there is a short ‘history’ of Zooisiticism, describing its early beginnings in 19th century Norway, all the way up to the global phenomenon it definitely isn’t today.
Zooistics cards are in a square format 14cm x 14 cm.
Price per card £2.30
∼ Zooisitics believe that until we get ‘in touch’ with our inner animal we are not fully rounded human beings.
∼ Some people think that the teachings of Zooisticism influenced Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. Others don’t.
MEET THE ANIMALS:
Badgers are secretive by nature and loyal by inclination. Although generally suspicious and somewhat shy, when Spring arrives they are prone to bursts of intense frolicking. Badgers are notoriously grumpy first thing in the morning but their mood usually improves as the day wears on and by sunset they are thoroughly relaxed and bursting with bonhomie. Badgers are not musical. In fact they don’t have much of a cultural life. You will seldom see a badger with a paintbrush or novel.
Badgers are generally polite and well-mannered, however they do have a reputation for occasional heavy drinking binges. The resulting hangovers can last for several days. A badger with a sore head is not a pretty sight and should be avoided at all costs.
Badgers are not adventurous or thrill seekers, they are dignified and don’t take kindly to public ridicule. They also don’t understand travel or foreign holidays. The classic Badger prefers to stay at home and get on with some digging. Badgers are extremely house proud and spend much of their spare time on home improvements. Badgers like hares, have a limited tolerance for both squirrels and owls but they do not appreciate foxes.
Wild boar are extremely intelligent. They are also highly sensitive animals with a well developed sense of justice. Once they have made up their mind on a course of action they will stick to it regardless of consequences. Wild boar are hard working and loyal. They make wonderful lovers and are renowned for their excellent parenting skills. Although they are instinctively gregarious, in formal social situations Wild boar can appear shy and withdrawn. However a bowl of peanuts and a glass of wine usually does the trick. Wild boar are rugged individualists who do not like to be pushed around. If forced into a corner they tend to be aggressive and confrontational. They are extremely fond of otters.
Although they have a reputation for being the bimbos of the animal world Hens actually have a rich emotional life and are capable of startling philosophical insights. Given the right nurturing environment, hens do very well in academia and there are many hens in top positions in the caring professions such as social work and medicine. The one exception to this is dentistry where hens are extremely rare. Hens enjoy dressing up and they really do know how to enjoy themselves. There are parties of hens inside and outside clubs in almost every late night venue in the land. Some of the more thoughtful ones can be found swaying on the pavement wondering how and why they should cross the road.
Foxes live life to the full. They are quick witted and engaging creatures. Foxes like to travel and are obsessed by food. They enjoy most forms of culture with the exception of opera and Morris dancing. They are particularly well represented in the dramatic arts and their success in the cinema both in front of and behind the camera has been astonishing. Jack Nicholson and Steven Speilberg are among many famous film foxes. Foxes are lusty and noisy and like to be the centre of attention at gatherings . Foxes enjoy scandal and all forms of gossip but they can’t hold a tune and are completely hopeless at karaoke. They do have an unfortunate reputation for minor criminality but this could be as a result of their complete lack of morals combined with an innate enthusiasm for playing games. Foxes are not fans of the hedgehog or goat but they enjoy hens and ducks.
Cats are clever. Cats are cunning. Cats are playful. Cats are lazy. Cats are crazy. All true. Cats are founder members of nature’s awkward squad. If you want a cat to do something, suggest the opposite and you have a faint chance of success. Unfortunately cats are so contrary that they may spot your true intentions and do a double double bluff. It’s almost impossible to win with a cat! Bribery does sometimes work, a cat’s moral compass is easily confused by food, catnip and/or alcohol .
Of course this is all part of what makes cat relationships so desirable. You don’t choose a relationship with a cat, they choose you. All you have to do is hold on tight and enjoy the ride.
Cats are fantastic decorators and interior designers. They love sensuous fabrics and rich colours. If your home needs a thorough make-over ask a cat. They have strong opinions and perfect taste and will go to great lengths to get the right feel and appearance for your furnishings.
Ducks are popular and attractive creatures. Their sense of humour is legendary. There are many stand-up comedian ducks, night club ducks and of course cinema ducks. Perhaps the most famous duck of all was Charlie Chaplin. Ducks are not usually profound thinkers but are happy to float along the surface of life. Incorrigible optimists, ducks make excellent camping holiday companions. Ducks love all forms of water except ice which they find frustrating and undignified. Although quite relaxed as far as food and bowel movements are concerned, when it comes to personal grooming issues, ducks can veer towards the obsessive compulsive. In relationships ducks tend to be very accepting and will do anything to avoid argument or confrontation. Ducks are blessed with a natural ability to shrug off insults and aggression. Ducks are not great at making decisions of any kind. Sometimes this can be annoying. Ducks are fond of children and enjoy most outdoor activities with the notable exception of hunting. Ducks enjoy the company of otters but have little time for foxes.
Goats don’t like to be told what to do; they are freethinking and flexible. Goats are also impatient and think that life is too short to read instruction manuals; they want to find things out for themselves, even if they have to do it the hard way. Goats are extremely playful and are comfortable with their own physicality. They love loud music and although not necessarily very skilled dancers, they make up for it with unbridled enthusiasm. Goats have a reputation for sudden changes in their moods or opinions and it is certainly true that, politically and ethically, goats are quite difficult to pin down. It is not, as some claim, because goats are unprincipled opportunists. The reality is that goats are pure pragmatists and will adjust their opinions according to their situation. Although generally goats have healthy constitutions, they seem to go to pieces when suffering from any kind of illness. Faced with the mildest of sniffles they convince themselves it will be both incurable and terminal. Nursing a sick goat is a noisy and thankless experience. Goats appreciate the elegance of hares but strongly object to wild boars.
There are so many positive things about being an otter. They are inquisitive playful and intelligent. Otters are the first to be picked for a team and the last to remain standing at a party. Although quite shy by nature, Otters are extremely adventurous. They love any kind of challenge and their curiosity is boundless. The downside of all this natural energy is that having a relationship with an otter can be quite exhausting. Although they are extremely affectionate Otters are easily bored and need constant stimulation. They also have an unfortunate tendency towards substance abuse and self-medication. For recreational purposes Otters enjoy swimming and fishing. They are not so good at chess or children. Culturally Otters don’t see the point of fiction or art although they do enjoy circuses.
Hares are outsiders, observers. They don’t join things. They are solitary impulsive and independent. Hares have a strong sense of morality and are outraged by social injustice and bankers. It was a group of like-minded American hares who started the ‘Occupy’ street-protest movement.
Hares enjoy the creative arts and are specially drawn towards poetry and film making both in front of and behind the camera. They are frequently nominated for Oscars but unfortunately in the past their eccentric lifestyles and dress sense has often conspired to work against them.
Hares prefer to play rather than watch sports. Their natural sure-footedness, speed and elegance make them excellent athletes. There are several outstanding hare boxers, hurdlers and sprinters although surprisingly, when it comes to long-distance running, they are frequently eclipsed by tortoises.
Magpies are quick thinking and enjoy problem solving. What is less attractive is their tendency to hold somewhat extreme black and white views and stick to them whatever the consequences. Magpies always evoke strong feelings. Many people love them and believe them to be clever, handsome and resourceful. While others consider Magpies to be charlatans, opportunists and empty headed collectors of bling. The truth lies somewhere in between. Magpies are certainly on the brainy end of the animal intelligence spectrum. They are natural linguists and are to be found everywhere in the world of publishing and literature. However Magpies don’t enjoy science or philosophy and they are astonishingly incompetent when it comes to counting. Magpies also have a reputation for prophetic abilities and a few unscrupulous Magpies have exploited this by landing highly paid jobs in the financial services industry. Although fashion conscious and stylish in outward appearance, in their personal habits Magpies can be quite careless and their homes tend towards the dishevelled and functional rather than the aesthetic. In relationships magpies are quite traditional and don’t tend to fool around. Once they have found a suitable mate they will shower them with sparkly gifts until they give in. Magpies enjoy the company of other magpies and they are attracted to badgers but the feeling is not mutual.
Like badgers, owls are not good at mornings. For this reason they tend to enjoy working in the creative industries, especially music. There are many owl composers and classical guitar players. Owls are quite solitary and not particularly good at relationships. Owls are emotionally quite self sufficient and find ‘inconsequential chat’ very distracting and irritating. Owls have a reputation for wisdom but this is largely based on the fact that they don’t say much, so people make the assumption that they are deep thinking. In reality the majority of owls are of quite average intelligence and some are frankly stupid. There are exceptions however and many of the scientists working at the Large Hadron Collider in Cerne are Owls. Owls enjoy the company of hares, but are irritated by cats, foxes and otters. Owls find Magpies absolutely exasperating.
Seals are traditionalists and do not enjoy change of any sort. They are not comfortable with digital technology and tend to shout down phones. Although cautious by nature, Seals can be very sensual and playful and this, coupled with extraordinary stamina, gives them a well-deserved reputation as lovers. Seals are adept at relaxation and sleeping but it would be a mistake to confuse closed eyes with a closed mind. The Seal brain is almost always fully engaged in some form of creative activity.
Thanks to their cheerful personalities and winning smiles, it is difficult to dislike Seals and for this reason they are often employed as negotiators and diplomats. Ban Ki-moon, the current secretary general of the United Nations, is a typical Seal. Seals have always been enthusiastic supporters of the Arts and enjoy going to the theatre and ballet. Seals are also gifted performers – indeed many of the 19th and 20th century’s leading classical dancers were Seals. Seals enjoy choral singing and most kinds of sport, especially ball-based activities. Seals get on with almost all other animals, although they do find Wild Boars unsettling.
Bright eyed and bushy tailed, Squirrels make friends quickly and easily. Squirrels have a well-deserved reputation as collectors and hoarders. They can’t help themselves. It is the gathering of stuff that provides them with a sense of security. Obviously relationships are important to Squirrels and they can be very affectionate, even passionate, but given the choice between the needs of a partner or a stamp collection, the stamps are likely to triumph. Squirrels are hard working but sometimes find it difficult to find fulfilling employment. Academic Squirrels have found work in libraries, museums and galleries while practical squirrels prefer the freedom of self employment. Squirrels are elegant and athletic but they can be exasperating. Within seconds of arriving at a destination their tails start twitching and they have an overwhelming desire to move on. Squirrels are convinced that everything is always somewhere else. Squirrels don’t enjoy yoga or fly fishing but they absolutely love dancing. Squirrels are the original party animals. They don’t need an excuse to go out and let their hair down. The use of recreational drugs among the Squirrel community is also not unknown. Squirrels are profoundly uncomfortable with stillness and solitude.